…in a lot of ways.
I haven’t been writing here because I have been embarrassed. I have not been the Daddy I want. I have not had the dynamic I want.
W/we have talked lots. I have brought up the dynamic a few times, it always seems to be Me bringing it up. That worries Me. I told her that I felt that because she isn’t ever bringing it up, and it never seems to bother her, that it felt like it was unimportant. I hated that it felt like it was always Me with a problem. She has problems too, she just doesn’t talk about them. She told Me she needs Me to be able to get angry with her,and upset with her – and I said I can do that, so long as she doesn’t distance herself. It’s unfair when she cuts Me out, yes, I know I am the Dom, I am Daddy, but at the same time I have My limits and needs to and when it feels like she is withholding her love, respect or submissiveness it triggers Me.
Neither of U/us can really handle rules, so we have decided not to have those. I would like to chat with her and discuss having a few rules that feel meaningful to U/us for whatever reasons we have. I think this is new for U/us. She has only ever had a dynamic when it was an escape – not part of every day life. and for Me, it has only ever been long distance really – so it was all words. Her submissiveness is very little words. It’s hard trying to find a balance when two people have an idea of what the ideal looks like.
Her limits haven’t really changed. I told her I needed to feel like she wants Me in that role, she wants Me as Daddy. Sometimes I feel like she is just testing Me, sometimes I think she actually wants to Dom Me – though I know that isn’t true.
So we continue to grow, continue to try, continue to love each other hard. She is Mine, forever.